Grant Gilsdorf is a past high school teacher of mine that
I’d barely just gotten to know in the three years of classes I took with him.
However, in that short amount of time I realized that he not only taught me how
to bend the will of my own art, but my life and the things I was going to face
in the future. I didn’t just learn how to draw and take photos. I learned what
it meant to actually see the world and be an active part of it. This is just a
short passage from the profile I put together after our interview. I think to
allow him to talk freely was the best decision I could have made. He answered
the couple questions I fit in honestly and spoke the words of someone with a
bit too much wisdom for his age- as if he was waiting for someone to listen.
The
light shining in through the window gives our new seating arrangement that lazy
Sunday morning feel. I can see why he finds it the perfect place to work.
There’s a graveyard of coffee mugs on the table and a pair of deer antlers
seated next to them. Paint spots just barely outnumber the amount of paint
brushes on the floor. Canvases and tripods litter the corners, leaving little
space for anything but art. The paintings themselves are all eye catching, a
very notable style coming to life in each of them. I want to inquire, but I
feel there’s more to Gilsdorf than just what he portrays in his art.
He sits back on a stool,
comfortable despite asserting early on that he never liked the lime light. “I
just shut down and stay stupid things.” I don’t think he took a breath the
entire interview.
Grant Gilsdorf works as a high
school teacher at Olentangy Liberty High School. But to ask him if he considers
it work would bring on a whole new round of conversation. Never once did he
express any distaste or even mild boredom with his job. “I can’t believe that I
get paid to talk about art, make art and listen to music all day! This is
really something special.”
_____________________________
Who
am I? That could be very open-ended,
I guess. Essentially I am a high school art teach at Olentangy Liberty High
School and my name is Grant Gilsdorf. My students affectionately call me Mr. G.
But beyond that I’m a person that does what he wanted to do with his life. In
high school I was a big time athlete and I had pretty much made up my mind that
that was how I’d be going to make a living, that I would just be the next NFL
star. Cause’ I figured- I dreamt it in my backyard, then it’s probably going to
be true, right? And for a long time, the evidence was supporting that and I was
having a lot of success. Then I had a sports injury. I lost feeling in my lower
body and had to get carted off the field. I ended up injuring my neck and my
spine, very seriously. It was a very traumatizing, very scary time. To the
point where it was a very serious conversation if I was ever going to play
sports again or not.
Up to that point, I never really
considered my future. My dad, who is a wonderful person and a school counselor,
sat down and talked with me. We started thinking about, “What do you really
wanna do with your life?” And I think that was the first time the maturity had
hit me and I’d gotten past the idea of being just a cool high school boy. And I
realized that one of the things I really liked was art. He said, “Why not art
education- like teaching people?”
I thought, “Like high school kids? You
want me to go back to high school? That’s crazy talk.”
He was like,
“Grant, your true talent is people. You’re really good with people.” And I
said, “Yeah dad, but I want to make a difference, you know what I mean? I feel
like I’m destined for big things.”
So, my senior year, I signed up for six
art classes and figured that I’d try it on. I really truly think that I
believed I could not fail at anything. “Well I’ll just give this art thing a
try and I’ll probably do alright at that. I mean, I love art.” It was just kind
of the perfect storm. I think you need confidence and I think you need support.
Especially if you’re gonna jump into something. I credit my dad and just having
a really good support network around me. I have a very supportive family. I had
a lot of confidence in myself because of maybe the success that I had had in
sports. It’s easy to feel fear. It’s easy to feel vulnerable. I was really
lucky. It didn’t feel like a big jump to me. It was just something I did. It’s
been a long process, and one that I’m very proud of.
I want to be the best at whatever I do.
I’m a very difficult person to live with in that regard. I didn’t always have
that attitude in high school. I wanted to be as good a person as possible, but
I didn’t see the value in education or learning. I wish I would have gone back
and really made myself a better person. I made up for a lot of lost ground and
I still feel like I’m making up for that lost ground.
There are so many kids I see doing that
now.
I don’t have any tolerance for it, or
lack of maturity. Those things I really value in people: an open mind and
maturity. This world’s too awesome to be that closed off to it. I have
difficulty with those dudes: underachieving, lazy, close-minded, simple
thinking people. There have been other kids that just, you could tell that
they’re a little bit too strange to live, a little too rare to die. [Gestures
to the studio] But somehow this kind of room made sense for them. You can be
whoever you want to be in class. That’s fine. We’re gonna roll with it. We’re
gonna find a way to do something you’re gonna be proud of.
The goal is hopefully that they think a
little deeper, they react to things a little bit more, they treasure things a
little bit more than they used to. That’s what I want, more than the
techniques. I don’t really care so much about that. I want them to change the
way they think and the way they look at things. I just want to change their
mind. I want to give them a new perspective of things. The art’s just kind of
the cool bonus.
The kids inspire me. I know that sounds
probably pretty cheesy, but it’s true. It’s their spirit. That’s what wakes me
up. That’s what keeps me coming. I look forward to seeing what they’re doing
and their ideas. And they’re just amazing. Who would ever think that a sixteen
year old or an eighteen year old mind would be this dynamic and just
incredible, but God, people- there
are so many amazing things in us.
We as human beings- we want to
explore the moon; we want to know what all our limitations are. I’m that kind
of person too. I’ve always been very aware of where my boundaries are. I like
to just pound all over them and step on them and stretch myself very far. I
feel much more comfortable when I’m uncomfortable, when I’m a little bit
vulnerable. I’m a curious person and I’m constantly improving. I think that
approach kind of filters into my students too. Painting is kind of like
learning how to ride a bike. You just suck at it at first. It’s an unnatural
thing. You hold a pen or a pencil your whole life and it feels very different.
[Picks up pencil and presses it to the table] When you push the pencil down on
the paper, it touches the paper and it doesn’t move. It’s sturdy. A brush
moves. It gives. It’s a completely different tool than we’ve spent fifteen
years of our life using. It takes a kind of fearlessness. It takes some
tenacity to take on that brush because it’s definitely not a pen or a pencil. I
love it. I love those people that go for it. It’s a comfort in your own skin.
It’s a confidence.
Wisdom is really important too. You
don’t learn it till you’re older. It’s a passion. It’s a desire. Life
experience and wisdom and learning things, you can’t make up for it. You have
to want to do well at it. I think you put in the work ahead of time.
I don’t believe in a block. I always
hear people say that [they’re] ‘waiting on inspiration.’ Like God’s gonna come
down and hit you in the head and say, “Here ya go! Thanks for being patient!”
That’s bullshit. That’s fake. I think artists, we don’t turn it off. It’s a way
of living. Being an artist is changing the way you see things. That’s what
being an artist is. The making of art, that’s the thing you do to get it out of
your head. It’s probably that I would end up in an insane asylum with all these
ideas and visions and colors and things in my head. They have to get out at
some point. It’s how you live your life. Being an artist is how you see things.
It’s a transcendent language of sorts.
Images are the most powerful thing on the planet. It predates television,
everything like that. Before there was CNN coverage of the royal wedding, there
were paintings done of royal coronations. Before there was HGTV taking us on
House Hunters International, there were people painting landscapes of exotic
locations. Before we could even speak, people were drawing images of buffalo on
caves. To me art is, probably, one of the most powerful things, something
that’s worth learning. I think that’s what it is more than anything.
There’s something powerful about having
this thing in your mind, being able to bring that thing to life and having
other people be able to see it and react to it. I just kind of experience
things. My wife calls it
my compost heap. I spent a long time building that. It’s this decaying mush of
all these things you’ve seen in your life and the people you’ve interacted with
and the clothing that you’ve touched and movies you’ve scene and sounds you’d heard
and somehow it all stews in this compost heap. Then somehow, it recycles itself
into something beautiful. That can only come from you. That’s your compost
heap. Nobody’s is the same. And that’s why there’s no such thing as totally
original. It doesn’t matter where you take things from; it’s where you take
things to. I’ve found that happy place. It does take time. And practice. I’m
still probably not where it’s going to end up being. But I’m feeling it. Finally.
I want to get those ideas out. They’re too
cool to me. I think that’s what keeps me going. The ideas don’t stop. I don’t
think they ever will. Sometimes that’s the cause of some of my stress too.
Sometimes that’s a very time consuming process. It’s just like any other
creative person; there’s so many barriers you have to fight through. There’s an
internal struggle that’s both maddening and addicting about it too. The very
thing I love about it is also the thing that scares the hell out of me. [Cracks
a smile] Art is a son of a bitch. It’s so tender and lovely. Its like- I love
it. And I hate it. But I love it.
Again going back to I got into this job,
I think not so much just for me to make artists in the world, just to leave
pieces of myself all over in people; And them in turn with me. They’ve helped
shape me, those people. Hopefully what I’m doing is opening them up to this
bigger than thing that exists between us, something that some people choose to
just not pay that much attention to. What we’re really doing is we’re drawing
as people. I think people are important in people’s life and art is just one
thing that really brings us together.